On Writing

12-15-2013

At any given time there are more things rattling around in my head than I can count.  Occasionally, some of it will leak out in verbal form and even more rarely some of it makes into the written word.  It seems that those thoughts that make it into words are of the most random nature; both in topic and importance.  The thoughts that are graced with exposure are not the most recent, relevant, important, nor urgent, but rather those that have developed the most into something that just might be understood by someone else other than me.  This might be trivial or transformational...there really is no telling.  I am grateful for what items I can release into ink (digital or otherwise) because it is a release of sorts.  Once I have penned the words, that particular thought is no longer banging around inside my head looking for an outlet.  I can move on to something else.

As of yet, I have not written a great amount, neither by a single great epic work nor a vast sum of shorter pieces. When I do write, however, in addition to the release of the thoughts from my head, I also gain the opportunity for self reflection.  The few things I have written seem to be of a personal nature often expressing my opinion on some matter or some experience that has taught me something.  Since this kind of writing often reflects a piece of me, I am forced to ask myself what I really believe about a given topic.  Do my words express what I really think or just what I think would please others?  However I feel, are my feelings justified?  Why do I feel that way?  If I were a better person (whatever that means), would or should I feel and think differently than I do?  These are questions I think everyone should ask from time to time and for me, writing is a way to do that.  At present, my preferred vehicles are Facebook Posts, Facebook Notes, or Google Drive “Documents”.  I would like to create a blog if I could come with a clever title or way to organize my musings.

I have little doubt that my musings interest no one but me.  I would like to think that an outsider reading my words would say “Wow! That was great!  Well said.  Exactly what I was thinking.  I never thought of that.  I was moved.  What else do you have to share?”.  In reality, however, I am my biggest (and likely only) fan.  Pride is said to be the greatest sin and the root of all the others.  An example of this is how I am enslaved to the ‘notification’ list in Facebook.  Any time I make a post, whether it be funny, witty, insightful, compassionate, or opinionated, I am covetous for every ‘Like’ I can get.  It’s as if each ‘Like’ is a validation that something I said is of value to someone.  While I am may not be alone in that aspect, I do see it has a character flaw and an evidence of both insecurity and worse yet...pride.

I also suppose that in addition to insecurity and pride there is feeling of wanting be ‘known’ and to be ‘heard’.  This desire is most fully satisfied in person of Jesus.  He knows us and cares for us better and deeper than anyone can.  It seems a sin to say that is not good enough.  To toot my horn. To say to the world “Hey! Look at me.  Listen to what I have to say.”  Sometimes I have nothing to say. Sometimes what I do have to say is of no value.  I am also sure that my time spent writing could be better spent doing something else more constructive.  All the same - I need to get it out.  While I would like to be validated by others, just the act of expressing myself is a great relief.  And now that I have written about writing, I no longer have to think about it.