On Writing

12-15-2013

At any given time there are more things rattling around in my head than I can count.  Occasionally, some of it will leak out in verbal form and even more rarely some of it makes into the written word.  It seems that those thoughts that make it into words are of the most random nature; both in topic and importance.  The thoughts that are graced with exposure are not the most recent, relevant, important, nor urgent, but rather those that have developed the most into something that just might be understood by someone else other than me.  This might be trivial or transformational...there really is no telling.  I am grateful for what items I can release into ink (digital or otherwise) because it is a release of sorts.  Once I have penned the words, that particular thought is no longer banging around inside my head looking for an outlet.  I can move on to something else.

As of yet, I have not written a great amount, neither by a single great epic work nor a vast sum of shorter pieces. When I do write, however, in addition to the release of the thoughts from my head, I also gain the opportunity for self reflection.  The few things I have written seem to be of a personal nature often expressing my opinion on some matter or some experience that has taught me something.  Since this kind of writing often reflects a piece of me, I am forced to ask myself what I really believe about a given topic.  Do my words express what I really think or just what I think would please others?  However I feel, are my feelings justified?  Why do I feel that way?  If I were a better person (whatever that means), would or should I feel and think differently than I do?  These are questions I think everyone should ask from time to time and for me, writing is a way to do that.  At present, my preferred vehicles are Facebook Posts, Facebook Notes, or Google Drive “Documents”.  I would like to create a blog if I could come with a clever title or way to organize my musings.

I have little doubt that my musings interest no one but me.  I would like to think that an outsider reading my words would say “Wow! That was great!  Well said.  Exactly what I was thinking.  I never thought of that.  I was moved.  What else do you have to share?”.  In reality, however, I am my biggest (and likely only) fan.  Pride is said to be the greatest sin and the root of all the others.  An example of this is how I am enslaved to the ‘notification’ list in Facebook.  Any time I make a post, whether it be funny, witty, insightful, compassionate, or opinionated, I am covetous for every ‘Like’ I can get.  It’s as if each ‘Like’ is a validation that something I said is of value to someone.  While I am may not be alone in that aspect, I do see it has a character flaw and an evidence of both insecurity and worse yet...pride.

I also suppose that in addition to insecurity and pride there is feeling of wanting be ‘known’ and to be ‘heard’.  This desire is most fully satisfied in person of Jesus.  He knows us and cares for us better and deeper than anyone can.  It seems a sin to say that is not good enough.  To toot my horn. To say to the world “Hey! Look at me.  Listen to what I have to say.”  Sometimes I have nothing to say. Sometimes what I do have to say is of no value.  I am also sure that my time spent writing could be better spent doing something else more constructive.  All the same - I need to get it out.  While I would like to be validated by others, just the act of expressing myself is a great relief.  And now that I have written about writing, I no longer have to think about it.

Ready Or Not

10/21/2013

Like most kids under ten years old, I loved to play hide and go seek.  While “it” was counting (not so slowly) to 20, I had to either hide somewhere so that I could not be found or perhaps hide dangerously close to base so I could make a mad dash once “it” stepped away.  Either way, I knew that I only had twenty seconds to take cover.  My heart would pound as the counting got closer and closer to 20.  I knew that once my time was up, it was up.  To eliminate any doubt of this fact, “it” would always yell “...18, 19, 20 … Here I come ready or not!”.  Whether I was ready or not, my time was up.  I had fair warning and I knew what was coming.  It was up to me to make the most of that time.  

I had no idea that this concept would repeat itself over and over as I grew older and that it really was a life lesson.  Each of the milestones and rites of passage come whether we are ready or not.  First day of school, First day driving alone, High School graduation, College graduation, Wedding day, and so forth.  After you go through these yourself, you then repeat them from a parents point of view.  I have read many stories of parents dropping off their kids at college.  Most of them recount the drive to the school and wanting to make sure their little baby bird knows everything they need to know before leaving the nest.  Will they study on their own? Do they know how to do a budget?  Will the pick the right kinds of friends? Do they know basic car maintenance?  Will they act appropriately when dating?  Will they find a good church?  Will they call their mother once a week? Do they know how to do laundry?  The list goes on.  Of course, by the time you drive them to school, it is too late to add any more wisdom.  Either they know it or they don’t.  

Thankfully, my kids have not reached that stage yet.  My two sons are 17 and 15.  I will likely be an emotional wreck when the day arrives for them to finally leave the nest.  I had a very small taste of this the other day.  I have been taking my sons camping as soon as they could walk.  I remember buying a new backpack and fitting my youngest son (probably about 4 at the time) inside of it as a test.  He is now taller than me.  Our campouts usually ranged from 3-5 miles away from the car with lots of ‘car camping’ trips as well.  We were active with the Boy Scouts for several years and went camping both with and without them.   Well, last weekend it was decided that I would stay with my dad in his camper and the boys would go backpacking on the trail alone...without me.  Their destination was only 2.5 miles down a well marked and highly travelled trail.  Never the less, the drive to the drop-off was a bit nerve racking for me (although I tried not to show it).  Did they have enough warm clothes? matches? sleeping bag? water?  Would they keep away from snakes? Would they stay on the trail?  Would they practice Leave-No-Trace?  Would they be able to operate the stove and be safe with the fire?  Would they stay away from drop-off ledges?  I tried to add in a few last minute tips, but I knew it was useless.  I knew they were well trained and well prepared and it was only one night, but I still wondered if they were really ready.  It was just a precursor of things to come as they wandered down the trail without me … ready or not.